


In Darkness

by CloudDreamer



Series: Prince With A Thousand Enemies [5]
Category: Dr. Carmilla (Musician), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Clones, Dr Carmilla's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Powerlessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25980364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudDreamer/pseuds/CloudDreamer
Summary: Maki Yamazaki 178407 is (not) safe in the dark.
Relationships: Dr Carmilla & Clone Maki Yamazaki
Series: Prince With A Thousand Enemies [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881310
Kudos: 5





	In Darkness

There isn’t such thing as safety for a Maki. 

This is a lesson that has been hammered home repeatedly, with the delicacy of scalpels and the sudden heat of cigarette butts pressed against their neck. But if there was, then this Maki thinks that safety looks a bit like darkness. 

When Doctor Carmilla finally closes her eyes, after days of going without rest, the lights fade from that glaring fluorescent white to something softer. There’s a reassurance, when she does that, because she doesn’t sleep enough, and when she doesn’t sleep, she’s less predictable. She’s more willing to push things, push Maki. And they’re just another thing to her. 

They’ve read the notes she leaves lying about, scribbled in a language only she knows. Except, Maki knows it too. In the light, she can read those little notes, those charts with handwritten observations. Sometimes it’s something mundane, something unrelated to them, and if they’re being honest, it’s usually something else. They’re just not that important to her. 

But every now and then, in the light, she finds a post-it-note that reads something like, _Maki Yamazaki 178407 expressing resistance, discipline necessary? Compare to 178300 and 178505,_ on the top of one of her monitors, and the Doctor’s only a turn or two through the knotted pathways of the laboratory away. And then they can’t seem to breathe for a good bit. 

But they can’t read those words in the dark. They can’t see just how close they are to the table. They don’t need to wonder if the Doctor is coming up behind them, impossible to predict. They know where she is. Sometimes they imagine taking one of the many bladed objects lying around and holding It tight as they slide it between the Doctor’s ribs a thousand times, letting that blood that isn’t quite blood anymore pool. They’d just keep killing her, until she stayed gone. Until she was dust. 

In the dark, they can afford to let the thoughts come rushing in. They can afford to hate her, when there’s nobody to see the look on their face, to hear their gentle sobs, to smell out the blood on her lips that she can’t stop chewing. And even if there was someone, they wouldn’t be able to hear her say, _“Stop hurting yourself.”_ Wouldn’t be able to hear the implicit, _only I’m allowed to hurt you._

It’s not at night that they are safe. Night is for planets, and when they are planet side, Maki is far from safe. The Doctor has many enemies, enemies who’d take them as a cheap substitute without a thought. The world is a dangerous place for a clone. They don’t want the Doctor to have to kill her, out of mercy or for any other reason. If they’re to die, and their life has always been a fragile one, then they’d rather it be on their own terms. Night, as beautiful as it can be, with the stars above, is rife with danger. 

At least this, they think and pick at their stitches, is mine. A tiny rebellion. But one they’re only allowed in the dark.


End file.
